Harsh J

Ever bitten a spider? No, not ‘been bit by’, but bitten? No? Watch this movie and you’ll chew the tickets into pulp and spit them out. All cause the popcorn got over.

It starts with a kiddy Tobey and that’s all he is throughout the movie. Wait, the movie’s name was going to be Peter Parker 3 actually. Cause there simply is no need of a mask while fighting as shown by Peter. He thinks his face scares more shit out of the villains, and yes it does indeed, considering we, the tomato throwers, are them.

Sandman

The Sandman was well created but making him fly around in a sand storm was a fool’s idea. Did they even know that if Sandman loses a part of his integral sand molecules, he goes unstable and disintegrates and dies? And then, in the end, letting him learn the identity and leave was another big violation of the comic code of  ‘Whoever learns his identity, dies’. And his reason of fighting for his daughter’s sake was so useless. The game, instead, actually shows Venom using his daughter to blackmail him into fighting. A good character put to waste also by making him Ben’s killer. And why was it always black and white and so retro with slow motion in place? Sigh.

Venom

Venom was a fat thighed bad-fat-ass. Eddie’s face emerging from it was like the most comical thing I’ve ever seen. Eddie must have been much more muscled, for the real terror the character Venom causes into the viewer’s heart. They decided to stick to reality, in a comic movie. Best error one can make. And the final symbiote-only Venom, though looked real good, died just too easily. I mean, he is weak to fire but it doesn’t vaporize him like it did in the movie. And what’s with Eddie being vaporized as well? Poof.

New Goblin

A completely unwanted villain in middle of the movie. And they killed him off, but then, Goblins never die. Am sure you’ll see another goblin in case you do dare to watch the future movies, with 4 having either Scorpion or Lizard in it. And the Goblin was only as powerful as a small time crook on a flying LED decorated Skateboard. I mean, it’s another person of the Goblin ‘Osborn’ family. He’s supposed to be Spidey’s biggest villain of all time, striking flawlessly and only going down by the actions of a revengeful Spidey. Am sure killing Gwen Stacy off instead of Harry would’ve made more impact. But Gwen’s role wasn’t much more than another girl in Peter’s class, and not life. But Bryce Howard sure does look way better than she did or acted in The Village. I feel James Franco would’ve done a better job than Tobey Maguire in this one.

The Black Suit

Peter keeps his symbiote suit, a suit which’s supposed to bond to his cells and enhance his strength all the time, in a f_cking case! It’s like a costume too! Comic fans, kill Sam, kill him now!

And look, it’s raining symbiotes everywhere. Quick, go to a park with your girl and become Venoms. Recreate the Smith-effect of The Matrix in Spider-Man and perhaps it’d have gone well! Of Peter getting rid of the suit, was another big stupid thing. While he fights Sandman in the subway, the noise of the train should’ve affected his costume, but it didn’t. (The Game shows it does.) And he is actually supposed to go to a church not because there’s Jesus, but there’s the bell in it.

The movie was simply zero at logic. And dialogues? If the dialogues would’ve been more meaningful this blog post wouldn’t have existed. The dialogues were slow and were all attempting to be over sentimental. All the hype that was really worth watching for were the CGI effects they put in it. While swinging wasn’t a new thing, the sand monster and Harry’s Skystick were. A total of 120 bucks and 2 hours of time gone waste. It’s not even worth a kiddy watch. Not for anyone with a brain and above 5 years of age. I guess my friend liked it a lot

P.s. Did no one notice William ‘Norman Osborn’ Dafoe, the Green Goblin, sitting in the coffee place behind Harry?